On my mental health.
I have heard this a few times before, "I am not sure if my meds are
doing anything until I stop taking them". And I kind of agree with
that sentiment, or statement, or idea, thing.
I have been
taking antidepressants for years now and after a while, that's how I
gauge whether they are working – or doing something – or not. I went a
day without them and I felt horrible, it was miserable.
A few
months ago, I got a new doctor, it's a family doctor so is not only my
doctor but also my kids'. The first thing he did was to change my
antidepressant medication. It is basically the same I was taking but a
newer version, and half the dose. And for all intent and purposes, it's
fine, I think, or thought.
One thing I noticed recently, it
is my mental state when I go without it, it's the same. I have gone 3
days in a row without it and I feel no difference. I feel like I am in
the same dull state of mind. And I am not sure what to make of it. Do I
no longer need it? Do I need a different dose? I am clearly not
entirely myself. The only thing that changes my mood for the better is
right after a workout, which makes sense, it is the best dose of
dopamine you can get. But because I am not entirely myself or
"depressed" hence there is no motivation to go get a workout, also, the
lack of sleep might play a factor as well. I can fake a lot but
motivation is not one of them.
It is clear to me that perhaps
I need to talk to my doctor, I feel like physically and mentally I am at
the worst version of myself. This is the worst part of it all, knowing
what needs to be done but not being motivated to do something about it.