Them small wins

I don't know exactly what happened to me last night, but it was weird. My mind, as it often does, was racing, and then it got quiet but couldn't shake up whatever was preventing me from falling asleep. I remember feeling like getting out of bed, putting on my running shoes, and just go. Except, it was already 1:00 am by that point. So I thought that emptying and dumping my mind and feelings would help. And this is what I wrote:

I've been, disappointed with myself the past few days, or weeks. Disappointed with some of the decisions I've been making, how I keep falling into the same bad routines or habits and just keep procrastinating on my well-being and therefore making me depressed.

I can't sleep, even with the meds, I mean, tonight I took one pill instead of two like I did the night before, perhaps that's what went wrong tonight. I'm not sure, I have been so inconsistent about it, that I can't say for sure.

I haven't been working out, maybe once or twice in the past, well, since the beginning of the year. I've got all the excuses, some are valid, I think. I mean, can't sleep, therefore there's no energy or motivation to do anything. I make plans in my head, things to change but, again, I keep falling back to the slacking, procrastinating ways. I'm in some rut and can't seem to find my way out.

I need to find my focus. I need to find my motivation. Strive for those small wins that eventually will help me snap out of whatever "rut" I'm stuck in. I just can't find the motivation to do it, to take that one step and take that one win.


Today, I got a raise and a bonus at work!

small wins!